I know I said I was limiting my journalling to paper, but I'm currently at the U of R library with only scraps of paper from previous shopping trips and I pathetic pen - so I think that this situation calls for online reflection.

Thus far, Mo and I have lugged our things into Elmwood Manor, signed tons of forms, and bid our families farewell. I feel genuinely optimistic about this next year living with Mo away from RIT. I haven't obtained any emotional wounds this summer and am ready to jump fervently into classes and work (if you can separate the two). I'm going over the recommended course load, but I spoke with Doug Rea my advisor the other day and he said he wasn't too concerned "Most students overload because they need to catch up or are transferring in, your motivation is very different." After declining some loans yesterday, I emailed a ceramics professor about auditing his intro course. The freedom to experiment with clay this summer was SO NICE and I want to continue the therapy related to the art form.

I think Mo's done with her "Tuesday's with Maureen" blog, so I'm going to scoooot.

One last thought; why is life so damn expensive? Rent, internet, basic food groups, parking permits, school books!!!!!!!! Will this madness ever cease?

Peace. :)

August 2nd, moving and shit

Whew, what a day today was. I woke up a little after 9 and plowed on to 3 yard sales with my parents. Our initial attempt was fatally fruitless and the second had already been ravaged by the damn early birds who always get the worm. I did, however, get a lovely little yellow lamp for 3 dollas. Then, came a wave of packing which has and always will consist of my inner urge to be sucked into contemplation of all of my old memories which are somehow still preserved in the most inconspicuous object. As always, I have to fight a bit against that nostalgia in order to actually make progress.

I'm bringing a box of my old journals up to Rochester though, in the hopes that I can form some project out of my old rambles. It would be wonderful to have a crazy multimedia wall of recollections and the ever changing present into past. Alas, the passage of time. I can only begin to imagine what it must seem like to my wonderful parents, seeing their daughter move out and into her first apartment. Hypothetically, if I was helping my child move out, I would feel relief at giving him or her a life his or her own, a plethora of hope towards his or her life, but also sadness at separation. The continuity of life is such a grand wonder!

It's 11:33 and I'm squatting on my ground since we already moved my chair into the van. I have to get up at 7 tomorrow and I should go to sleep. But first some pics of this dwindling summer in Pittsburgh.
On the left is Marcus aka "Omish Mike" and on the right is my absolute favorite customer Roland. He comes in every day at 5 for happy hour (which is actually two hours... weird...) and gets the Yuengling draft for 2 dollars instead of 2.75 during regular hours. He has a wonderful Mass. accent and tons of stories which I enjoy listening to. I'll have to scan in this astrological chart he gave me my last week there. But since it's late, I'll sleep now and stick to my paper journal next week since I'm not bringing my computer yet.

August 1st recollection

Last night was a boisterous girl's night with Lis and Laura. We drank a bit of red wine and had animated discussions until 3 or 4, finally passing out on the lawn chairs. Around 7 we relocated to the basement where Addy kept my feet warm with her little Italian greyhound body. I had the weirdest dream that Laura was arrested for murder or kleptomania by an annoying little girl and I was trying to prove her innocence. In the morning some celebration for Lis's bday, then at my house she napped while I packed up my bathroom stuff. I have A LOT more packing to do, but I feel very unmotivated. There's a shit load of glitter on the ground from an accidental avalanche and I just made myself drink some milk because I may or may not have just swallowed a bit of paint... That might sound random, but I decided to spice up some dollar store frames with a painting effort. I was mixing some acrylic yellow onto a turquoises frame but it needed a solvent and I didn't feel like getting up so I spit on my finger. Then in the bathroom I realized there was paint on my lips. I hope I don't accidentally kill myself with a lapse of judgment like that..

Now for the recollections and analysis pertaining to this past weeeeeeek...

This is one of the luck recipients of the spider man paint job. I did about 5 before running out of the red face paint. Volunteering at the North side festival was really fun, especially the part where a little girl asked for hello kitty with flames in the background (copying the flames from the boy I'd painted previously, not thinking that it would look like hello kitty was on fire).

Jeff at MCG with his FABULOUS flava flav dragon. He runs a bicycle magazine and works with the digital studio and is kick-ass.

It was Doston's 40th birthday this past Monday, and he was bummed that we didn't put his name on the board. Once Terry got in I told her to put it on. Doston is a skinny, squirrelly man who comes in and orders Budweiser bottles. He seemed very lonely, but also very proud of the family ties he has. He hit on me a little, following suite with the other tipsy old men, but then realized "you're only a year older than my daughter." Then he want on to show me a picture and talk about how he misses seeing her.

I have a ton more photos I wanted to talk about, but I'm loosing my train of thought like no other. If I don't wake up tomorrow because of the paint predicament, I want it to be known that I hold no grudges and died with love in my heart... hehe...

Recent Developments

All four generations of my family in one crammed hotel room.
My uncle Jim and aunt Khahn. Lovely couple!

This picture is 100% Elisa and Juliet.


One of the famous Key West sunsets from Mallory square.


Kyle and Lis at the Drag show.

Lis and her baby brother Hunter.

Repetition.

In Miami.

July 9th

Random Pictures from last week I've been meaning to put up!

Melly pondering life through my moon roof.

A view going down the incline with Lily and Melly.

On the way back up the incline, this little man was playing with his phone or some electronic device and it kept beeping (very annoying, reminiscent of childhood video games). Then Melly goes "it's like there's a weird little man playing something up there."

Lily and I look at each other for a second, then burst out laughing because her statement, unknown to her, was oh so true.

First a picture through the window...

Followed by an attempt to take one without the inhibiting glass...

July 9

Wow, it's 2:22 am and I just finished Eclipse, that addictive book about a clumsy girl caught between werewolves and vampires. Usually when I get so attached to a book I start feeling antsy towards the end, then once I've finished I feel sad, almost detached since I have to re-enter my reality and let go of the fantasy. Right now, I'm almost fuming and guilty through comparison. The main character, Bella, ended up talking about how Jacob was her "sun" and her natural soul mate, and it was inferred that Edward was even more than a soul mate. I myself, am pessimistic, but yearn for that completion that Bella could easily have.

My first try at love deterred me from trust or even a desire to try. I've gone along with several guys, making them feel very comfortable until I saw through their disguise - then I'd bolt, which is so obviously unhealthy, especially when I see it written like this, so much more tangible and pathetic. Generally, the majority of the male population has done nothing but pressure me because of something I make them feel unknowingly, or make me feel uncomfortable for other reasons. Regardless of this slight void, I feel like I've been disconnected from who I was (or still am in some ways) for years, and am now just rediscovering that perspective of a girl who dreamed all day and all night, and never dreamed of the heartache associated with malicious intent or sheer stupidity. During nights like this I pray for forgiveness from Allah, God, I am, Jesus, whatever you want to call he/she, and let my thoughts run wild.

My new plan, not fleeting or harebrained like usual; stay independent 100% until something changes inside of me, until I feel like a younger version of myself if thats possible.

I'm not depressed by any of this romantic rambling, on the contrary it makes me realize how much I already have. I'm grateful for my family; my smart and determined brother Ted, I'm sure his visions will go far; my sweet and selfless mother who makes me feel so comfortable and safe while whipping me in line at the same time; my amusing and humble father who plays the guitar daily and welcomes making a fool of himself if it makes others comfortable.
Also, I have some wonderful friends of whom I won't go into detail because if I write nice things about everyone I love I'll never get to sleep.

Just looking at all the opportunities I've been given; working as a bartender, helping with web sites, weddings, teaching kids, companionship (never mind parallel structure) - I realize more that I don't deserve any of it, not one bit. Which furthermore strengthens my desire to finish college quickly while doing local volunteer work so that I can join the Peace Corps. and make some changes.

Once again, I feel silly posting this since I wrote it for myself, but I'm not really ashamed of any of my analysis or goals, so I won't delete it (...yet).

July 5th

Today was slightly more productive than yesterday, but still very relaxing. Right now, Kelly and I are documenting in our own ways. She is sitting beside me on the gray fold-out chair writing all of her recollections down. She just reminded me, "Don't forget to write that you peeled skin off of my back today!" Which, by the way, was actually very interesting, the dead skin peeled off like glue, and I felt like a kid again. This simple act reminded us of apes picking off fleas from their family, and I must mention that I don't get how people deny evolution. Yet, everyone is entitled to their belief, and I certainly have my fair share.

Sitting here with Kelly is unique in that I have never blogged with anyone in the room before, yet I feel totally comfortable. We've only met four times; the first time a couple years ago after she had appendicitis, then a few trips to and from. All in all, I feel incredibly lucky and fortunate to have her here.

Anyways, here's my photo archive from today, including the Science Center with Nate and Kelly (we saw this woman burn flombee during this as well) and chillin' in general.

In the morning; Kelly is comfortable on the floor.


Nate having just enough fun :)

What's the point of showing what time it was a half an hour ago? Seriously...?