Recent Developments

All four generations of my family in one crammed hotel room.
My uncle Jim and aunt Khahn. Lovely couple!

This picture is 100% Elisa and Juliet.


One of the famous Key West sunsets from Mallory square.


Kyle and Lis at the Drag show.

Lis and her baby brother Hunter.

Repetition.

In Miami.

July 9th

Random Pictures from last week I've been meaning to put up!

Melly pondering life through my moon roof.

A view going down the incline with Lily and Melly.

On the way back up the incline, this little man was playing with his phone or some electronic device and it kept beeping (very annoying, reminiscent of childhood video games). Then Melly goes "it's like there's a weird little man playing something up there."

Lily and I look at each other for a second, then burst out laughing because her statement, unknown to her, was oh so true.

First a picture through the window...

Followed by an attempt to take one without the inhibiting glass...

July 9

Wow, it's 2:22 am and I just finished Eclipse, that addictive book about a clumsy girl caught between werewolves and vampires. Usually when I get so attached to a book I start feeling antsy towards the end, then once I've finished I feel sad, almost detached since I have to re-enter my reality and let go of the fantasy. Right now, I'm almost fuming and guilty through comparison. The main character, Bella, ended up talking about how Jacob was her "sun" and her natural soul mate, and it was inferred that Edward was even more than a soul mate. I myself, am pessimistic, but yearn for that completion that Bella could easily have.

My first try at love deterred me from trust or even a desire to try. I've gone along with several guys, making them feel very comfortable until I saw through their disguise - then I'd bolt, which is so obviously unhealthy, especially when I see it written like this, so much more tangible and pathetic. Generally, the majority of the male population has done nothing but pressure me because of something I make them feel unknowingly, or make me feel uncomfortable for other reasons. Regardless of this slight void, I feel like I've been disconnected from who I was (or still am in some ways) for years, and am now just rediscovering that perspective of a girl who dreamed all day and all night, and never dreamed of the heartache associated with malicious intent or sheer stupidity. During nights like this I pray for forgiveness from Allah, God, I am, Jesus, whatever you want to call he/she, and let my thoughts run wild.

My new plan, not fleeting or harebrained like usual; stay independent 100% until something changes inside of me, until I feel like a younger version of myself if thats possible.

I'm not depressed by any of this romantic rambling, on the contrary it makes me realize how much I already have. I'm grateful for my family; my smart and determined brother Ted, I'm sure his visions will go far; my sweet and selfless mother who makes me feel so comfortable and safe while whipping me in line at the same time; my amusing and humble father who plays the guitar daily and welcomes making a fool of himself if it makes others comfortable.
Also, I have some wonderful friends of whom I won't go into detail because if I write nice things about everyone I love I'll never get to sleep.

Just looking at all the opportunities I've been given; working as a bartender, helping with web sites, weddings, teaching kids, companionship (never mind parallel structure) - I realize more that I don't deserve any of it, not one bit. Which furthermore strengthens my desire to finish college quickly while doing local volunteer work so that I can join the Peace Corps. and make some changes.

Once again, I feel silly posting this since I wrote it for myself, but I'm not really ashamed of any of my analysis or goals, so I won't delete it (...yet).

July 5th

Today was slightly more productive than yesterday, but still very relaxing. Right now, Kelly and I are documenting in our own ways. She is sitting beside me on the gray fold-out chair writing all of her recollections down. She just reminded me, "Don't forget to write that you peeled skin off of my back today!" Which, by the way, was actually very interesting, the dead skin peeled off like glue, and I felt like a kid again. This simple act reminded us of apes picking off fleas from their family, and I must mention that I don't get how people deny evolution. Yet, everyone is entitled to their belief, and I certainly have my fair share.

Sitting here with Kelly is unique in that I have never blogged with anyone in the room before, yet I feel totally comfortable. We've only met four times; the first time a couple years ago after she had appendicitis, then a few trips to and from. All in all, I feel incredibly lucky and fortunate to have her here.

Anyways, here's my photo archive from today, including the Science Center with Nate and Kelly (we saw this woman burn flombee during this as well) and chillin' in general.

In the morning; Kelly is comfortable on the floor.


Nate having just enough fun :)

What's the point of showing what time it was a half an hour ago? Seriously...?

July 4th

The fourth of July, a day to remember since 1776. Today I commemorated the special day with my lovely cousin and friend Kelly. We woke up around 9 and made eggs over easy and cantelope with Morning Sunshine tea. Then came a long walk with a nostalgic destination in mind. Back in my innocent years I used to go on long walks and long talks with this spiritual boy. We've lost touch in recent years, but I will never forget feeling so moved by the rhythmic pacing and exploring around Ben Avon. Right off "The Knob" past the petroleum pipe, a path leads down until a clearing reveals the naked vulnerability of a developing and festering landscape.

Sadly, a lot of the trees that had previously been there were removed. I just stood there dumbfounded for a moment, realizing that it appeared much different for Kelly. To the outsider, it's just a sparse clearing leading into the woods, but my memories made the destruction meaningful.





Afterwards we went on a voyage to photograph Anthony's from a vantage point (for their web site), then grabbed some cappuccinos at the A. I'm so glad she didn't have to work at her cafe back in Jersey so that she could come visit.

The A closed at 3, so we left and ended up home with the first season of Grey's Anatomy. It's amazing how the show just sucks you in with all of the inner and outer plot dramas. Obviously it takes a lot of self-control to stop watching... we ended up watching a ton of it.

Then came the grand feature of the day - a crazy drive downtown to see the fire works. I love seeing all of the bodies lining the west end bridge and all of the cars pulled over waiting for the grand feature: fire works.

We had to weave around a bunch of cops and ambulance vehicles, and ended up turning around a couple times, but we ended up at the perfect vantage point. So much better than Bellevue :)




On the ride back, I think we both let our inevitable guards down and talked about life issues which most people hide and hide. It's such a powerful gift; sharing. Through opening up a little, you realize that you're not alone.

All in all, today was a great break from the usual grind, and I am tired.

July 2nd

I've always thought it was a good quality - the ability to easily change my mind once given a good enough reason. Yet, as of late, I've come to believe that this personality trait has managed to mangle my sense of direction. I'm a fixed point in Pittsburgh, flying around from job to job, book to book, friend to friend. I'm going to listen to a quote that I found meaningful last year when I was going through my Massive Attack frenzy:

"They say don't lay your eggs in one basket
If the basket should fall all the eggs'll be broken
But I believe in one love
I believe in one love"

Together with one love, I need to keep my life fixed in one direction. I need to not loose sight of what I need to be doing in the world through wonderful distractions.

Therefore, I will keep this blog, since it easy an easy forum for uploading pictures and thoughts alike. I've only told a couple people about it, so this will be less of a "communicative effort" and more of an internal discussion board.